I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize