i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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