I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Randomize
