Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
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