you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
