My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
