watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize