I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
