I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
