he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
