He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
