Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
