I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He passed out mid-signature
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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