Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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