This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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