hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I can't turn off my feet"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
