sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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