What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
