yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
