ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
