apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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