he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
