put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
