my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
