Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
