I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
