you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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