what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
