I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
