She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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