There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
