i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
