If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just found puke in my bra..
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
