But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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