I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
