is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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