jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
