What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
