Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
