I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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