I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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