Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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