Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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