Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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