If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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