You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Acid is not a monday night drug
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
