I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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