um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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