eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
