from now on my penis is your penis
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
