My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize