maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
