I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
