Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
