Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
