My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We have started to decorate penises.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
