Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
