You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
