oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Boobs are out for the taking
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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