This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
