So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
