yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
