Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
