she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
