Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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