sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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