i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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