thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
