I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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