Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
