found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We left the knife in your bed.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
