I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
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