i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My ass is underappreciated
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
