I understand Curling. That high.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
