I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
