It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
