I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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