My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
