so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
