Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
