Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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