so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
