Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize