The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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