yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
