All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize