The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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