We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
