life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
